14 Things You Should Never Do in Bed
Don’t be shy about sharing your fantasies
“So many women and men are focused on the sex or foreplay they’re not getting instead of talking about what they want,” says psychotherapist and sexuality counsellor Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. But it won’t be taken as criticism if you express your desires in a way that’s constructive. Try something like, “Here’s something that would drive me wild…” As a bonus, the language you use can be as arousing as the act itself, Kerner says. And if you’re itching to go a little 50 Shades of Gray, say so. “The woman or man who really loves you is going to listen,” says Brame. That said, neither partner should press for anything that’s outside their comfort zone. Trying something new should be exciting, not unsafe, or uncomfortable.
Don’t fake it
Opt for honesty instead of flattery—or just as a way to end something you’re not enjoying. Instead, use the anti-climax as an opportunity to discover how your partner can better satisfy you in bed. “Allow your differences to prompt conversations about what’s working and what’s not,” advises Kerner. If you’re concerned that your partner might be putting on a show for your benefit, talk about it, rather than being embarrassed. “If you genuinely think they faked it, make it clear that you don’t expect that they will have an orgasm every single time and that’s totally OK,” says sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox, author of Hot Sex: How to Do It.
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